Dating During the Holidays – Smoke Break – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder

– I have a pain in my jaw, I
thought it was a canker sore and now I’m worried it is jaw cancer. – It’s probably not jaw cancer. (laughing) All right, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it’s probably not jaw cancer– – I don’t know. – Maybe like a root canal? – Last time I… shut up, shut up! (spits) Shut up! – (laughs) You don’t wanna
think about the real things it is actually be just that– – I’ll get a tooth pulled
before I get a root canal. Coffee or tea or be with me. – No matter what, no matter what. (upbeat rock music) (fire crackling) – Coffee or tea or be with me. – I dunno, I wanna go through this girl. I wanna make sure she’s good for you. – She’s good. – Just ’cause you’re
not on the show anymore doesn’t mean you’re
not part of the family. – Aw thank you. – Who is this bitch? And she better not hurt you. – I’m just trying to help out. – The mercenary? – Make sure to tell your
girlfriends don’t you hurt Murphy. – Then you come in and
fucking slaughter them – [Dan] By the way, they always hurt him – They always hurt me! – Do they really? I think they take that
as a challenge from you. – I don’t know if Jay is
playing the long game. (Coughing) – I haven’t seen any
sort of repercussions. – [Dan] What you’re not hearing is that- (Laughter) – I would dude. You don’t even know. – But what you’re missing is when he talks to him he goes ” I bet
you can’t hurt Andy” Then they go, “I’ll take that challenge.” – You don’t know what I do
every time someone hurts you I build cellphone towers
either side of their house. I’m killing them with 5G. – Yes! That’s smart. Manipulate their genetics. – Every time they use a phone they’re hitting them from both ends. Now, I don’t know how waves
work, but I assume like that. When she hits her phone the waves go from both towers to her head. – You don’t know what
5G is capable of yet. – Brain tumors. – Yeah and when he says that
he goes “Don’t hurt Murtface” and they go “or else you’ll be microwaved” They don’t know. – Yeah or I’ll turn your brains into soup. But through time. – Over time. – Over a gradual… – It’s gonna be through time. – Honestly the science isn’t in. (Laughter) – You think it’s goin’
good, it’s brand new, wheredja meet? – Cellar. – Oh so she saw you onstage? – No I met her upstairs. – Didn’t see you on stage at The Cellar, and then he decided to take her to two progressively shitty shows! (Laugh) – This is how long now, weeks? – Months. – Girlfriend? – Maybe. – You don’t know yet? – How do you make that official or not? – I don’t know. I’m a little worried about
Valentine’s Day on Friday too. – [All] Oooooh. – New relationship Valentine’s Day? Now I wish you were coming on the show. Now I wish you were coming on
the show, it’s a good topic! That’s a great topic. Early, brand new dating Christmas, and brand new dating fucking
– Oh you said both? – Valentine’s Day are roughies. – I’d have said both. – Yeah, roughey. – You had Christmas. – And Valentine’s Day. – Valentine’s Day is coming
up but, how many months…? – Two. – You’re longer than that. – Yeah I’m five months. – You’re five months.
– You’re cemented. – So now it’s obvious you can do something pretty nice for Valentine’s Day. – And my lady doesn’t
like Valentine’s Day. – Da! – Is that what she told you? – That’s what they all say. Then you gotta come through. – Yeah. Do not just go, “but you said!” (laugh) “It’s not what I meant though.” – I’ve already taken
that out several times. I’ve been on that fake. – “I don’t even want anything.” “Oh, thank God, I don’t
wanna get you anything.” (laugh) Oh good, ’cause I don’t
want to get you anything. – Good, ’cause I blew my
load on your birthday. So… (laugh) – Then he goes, “I just bought
myself some new clothes.” – “I just got these shoes,
I just got these Nikes.” – “And this is really
diamonds, is that nice?” – “Do you think I look good in sparklies?” (laughs) – He goes, “this was 10K,
but everyone says it blings.” – How can a gold watch cost $20,000? – Anyway, I got — – $48,000 for this watch! This watch! – Finn always got a great
tone on this show I believe. Finn always got the best of the girl getting him something nice, and he had to run and get something. Last minute, and it was soft soap. He got like a decorative
soft soap canister from CBS. – I remember him telling me that. ‘Cause I, my girlfriend, in 2007… I was dead broke. She bought me an iPod. Like a color screen iPod,
one of the little block ones. And I got her an alarm clock.
– Socks? – An alarm clock?
– She’s not your mom! – Yeah, that shot the time up to the sky. – Plus my famous, when I
ran out and got my girl, who was breaking up with me, I ran out and got my girl fucking a… A ring. And she gave me 60 bucks cash. That’s one of my early,
early bonfire stories. – Was that the Playstation 2? – She told me to get a Playstation 2 game. No, she told me to get
a Playstation 1 game, ’cause she was supposed to
be buying me a Playstation 2. I went and got her a ring. (exhale) – What kinda ring? – A nice one, I mean, you know, 100 bucks. It was the money I had at that point. – Promise ring. – Yeah, promise. – Sure. Yeah, I think she had that ring wrapped around another
guys pecker that night! (laugh) – Did the guy go like
this later, did he go, “Oh, oh, take off the ring, it hurts.” – Yeah he goes, “Ooh it’s
really clipping my beave.” – “Oooh, ooh.” (laugh) “Ooh baby, you got some on my side vein.” – “Ooh.” – “Ooh!” – “Ooh you’re gonna pop me.” – “Ooh!” – “Everything’s tangling up!” – “Ooh, everything’s cold.” – “Everything’s tangling up.” That’s a good setting. – “That’s really gold
’cause of how cold it gets.” – That’s a good setting right
there, it’s like a setting. – This guy really cares about you. – I think we really jagged ya. – Coffee or tea, or be with me. – I’ve uh… – Coffee, tea! (cheers) (laughs) – Oh! Thank you, all right! – Why… you’re running this
girl, don’t look so desperate. – I gotta go back upstairs. – We gotta go back upstairs. We got a radio show you don’t see us… – That was my way of subtly
being like, let’s end this. – All right. – Why don’t you guys be
on time for the show? That’s the old producer
in me, can’t let it go. – You’re a liar. – There’s no such thing as
being on time for the show. – We got 9 minutes. – It takes time, the elevator bank. – Nah, dude we’re so good. We’re so money. The show starts somewhere
between 6:04 and 6:10, dude. (laughs) – Running start. – It’s not our fault, and
I’m not gonna be beholden to the wrong time every day, so. – We have a snoozer
alarm start time, 6:09. – And it shoots up on the ceiling! – We’ve never walked through
the doors of the studio and DJ Lou goes (mimes) and
then starts playing music. – Actually, he did once. He’s done it like, twice in the past year. Where he’s been like 30
seconds or 10 minutes. – No, but even 30
seconds, I’m talking about we’ve never walked in and he’s been, “where’ve you guys been?” There’s always like…usually
he’s on the phone calling somebody in the
food chain to fucking make the microphone or computers work! (laughs) – A lot of time you walk
in and the studio is just Lou saying his name and
what station he’s on. (laughs) – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – “Lou, Comedy Central.” – “Studio 10.” – Please! Shall we walk back? – Nestled right between
visceral racial hatred towards my co-host Big Jay Oakerson. – That was my Dan impression. (laughs) – I thought that was your Lou. (laughs) Your Lou sounds a lot like your Dan. (laughs) (bonfire crackling) (stamp)


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