Weekend Update: Laura Ingraham – SNL


THIS WEEK RED LOBSTER, BLUE
APRON, AND SLIM FAST JOINED THE ADVERTISER BOYCOTT AGAINST FOX
NEWS HOST LAURA INGRAM AFTER SHE MOCKED PARKLAND SURVIVOR
DAVID HOGG FOR GETTING REJECTED FROM FOUR COLLEGES.
SHE’S BACK ON HER SHOW AFTER HER FORCED HIATUS.
HERE TO COMMENT IS LAURA INGRAM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HI. THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]>>YOU’RE WELCOME.
CONGRATULATIONS ON RETURNING TO YOUR SHOW.
>>THANK YOU. IT’S SO GOOD TO BE BACK AFTER
THAT PLANNED VACATION. IT WAS SO FUN AND SO PLANNED AND
SO SCHEDULED A LONG TIME AGO. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND LOOK. THE IMPORTANT THING IS, I AM
BACK. AND I’M NOT GOING TO CAVE TO
BULLYING FROM THE TOLERANT LEFT. AND I DON’T CARE IF I LOST A
COUPLE OF SPONSORS.>>YEAH, WELL SO FAR, YOU’VE
LOST 27.>>YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND ALL BECAUSE I TROLLED A
TRAUMATIZED TEEN? AFTER SPEWING VENOM FOR DECADES,
TWITTER HAS SUDDENLY MADE ME ACCOUNTABLE?
LIKE — OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT CAN’T KEEP ME DOWN.
BECAUSE I’M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT SOME OF MY NEW SPONSORS.
LIKE CARL’S SR., LEFTOVER CARL’S JR. FOOD GROUND TO MUSH
FOR OLD PEOPLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
MMM-MMM, CARL’S SR. AND YOUR PILLOW.
FROM THE MAKERS OF MYPILLOW, SEND US YOUR PILLOW BECAUSE WE
NEED MORE PILLOWS. [ LAUGHTER ]
OR HOW ABOUT SCRELLI’S JELLY. IT’S JUST JELLY THAT’S $8,000 A
JAR. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>>AND ARE THOSE REAL PRODUCTS, LAURA?
>>YEP. YOU SEE, THE TOTALITARIAN LEFT
CAN ATTACK ME ALL THEY WANT. BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO DEFEND
THE FIRST AMENDMENT. THAT’S MY RIGHT TO BULLY PEOPLE
WITHOUT BEING BULLIED IN RETURN. RIGHT, COLIN?
>>YEAH, NO, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, LAURA.
>>OH, FINE. BUT JUST LOOK.
DON’T BOYCOTT MY SHOW. OUR COUNTRY’S SO DIVIDED RIGHT
NOW. AND I’M AN IMPORTANT PART OF
THAT. LET’S MOVE ON.
YOU KNOW I’M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING WORSE.
WHY DON’T YOU JUST WATCH THE SHOW AND FIND OUT WHAT THAT’S
GOING TO BE? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO MENTION MORE OF MY SPONSORS.
LIKE LADY BUMP STOCK. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE LIGHTWEIGHT BUMP STOCKS FOR DELICATE HANDS.
AND REVERSE MORTGAGE, WE’LL TAKE THAT HOUSE NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND HOW ABOUT MALAYSIAN
AIRLINES. CAUGHT IN A SCANDAL AND NEED AN
ESCAPE? MALAYSIAN AIRLINES.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>OKAY, LAURA, I REALLY —
DON’T ACT OUT MALAYSIAN — I DON’T THINK THOSE ARE REAL
SPONSORS.>>WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
I’M GETTING PONEED BY TEENAGERS. AM I USING THAT RIGHT?
>>I DON’T –>>PONED?
>>I DEFINITELY DON’T KNOW.>>I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING
ANYMORE. EMMA GONZALEZ LOOKS LIKE SOME
BADASS SUPERHERO TRYING TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL IT WAS BAD TO TRY.
I SAID I WANTED TO TRY ART, I GOT KICKED IN THE FACE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT I DIDN’T SAY I WAS GETTING
BULLIED, I JUST GREW UP INTO THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU KNOW WHO’S NOT AFRAID TO
SPONSOR THIS? CREAM SODA.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE SODA FOR WHITES.
YOU GOT THE WHITE ONE, BABY! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LAURA, I THINK THAT’S
ENOUGH.>>CAN I SAY ONE MORE THING
ABOUT THE PARKLAND KIDS?>>NO THAT GOT YOU IN TROUBLE.
>>OH, FINE.>>LAURA INGRAM, EVERYONE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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