Weekend Update on Female Minorities Elected to the Senate – SNL


A RECORD NUMBER OF FEMALE
MINORITIES WERE ELECTED TO THE SENATE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] NOW LET’S SEE ALL THEIR NAMES
RIGHT NOW. ♪ THIS IS MY FIGHT ♪
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT?
THAT WAS IT? THAT WAS THE RECORD?
I THOUGHT I HAD MORE TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>DISNEY HAS RECEIVED PERMISSION TO FLY DRONES OVER
ITS THEME PARKS IN AN EFFORT TO CAPTURE OR KILL ALADDIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I’M MEXICAN.
WHAT WAS I THINKING? A NEW STUDY —
[ LAUGHTER ] A NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT PEOPLE
WITH A VEGETARIAN DIET MAY LIVE LONGER.
OKAY, BUT FOR WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ] AS PRESIDENT, DONALD TRUMP IS
NOW IN CHARGE OF SUPREME COURT APPOINTMENTS WHICH MANY PREDICT
WILL LEAD TO A CONSERVATIVE MAJORITY FOR DECADES TO COME.
MAJORITY FOR DECADES TO COME. HERE TO COMMENT ON THIS IS
LIBERAL JUSTICE RUTH BADER GINSBURG.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>I’M NEVER GOING TO STEP DOWN
NOW, YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME YA-YA.
>>BUT JUSTICE GINSBURG, I THINK EVERYONE EXPECTS YOU TO RETIRE
SOON, I MEAN YOU’RE 83.>>YEAH, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT, I
WAS GONNA RETIRE. CLINTON WAS GOING TO WIN AND I
WAS GOING STRAIGHT TO THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC.
EVEN THOUGH LAST TIME I WAS THERE THEY THOUGHT I WAS A ZIKA
MOSQUITO. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT NOT NOW. NOT NOW.
NOW I GOT TO STAY ALIVE AND HEALTHY, DAMMIT.
GIVE ME MY THING. EXCUSE ME.
GOT TO TAKE MY VITAMINS.>>YES.
OH MY GOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU GOT THAT?>>YOU GOT WATER?
>>YOU GOT A LITTLE KIND OF ALL OVER — ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU HAVE NO PLANS TO LEAVE THE SUPREME COURT?
>>COLIN, THE BENCH IS NOW MY PORCH.
I’M GOING TO SIT ON IT ALL DAY AND SCREAM, “NO!
GET OUT OF MY YARD!” [ LAUGHTER ]
>>BUT REALISTICALLY, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD ON?
>>OH, FOREVER, COLIN. I’M EATING A APPLE A DAY TO KEEP
BEN CARSON AWAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] BY APPLE I MEAN PURE HUMAN
GROWTH HORMONE. IF THAT DOESN’T WORK, I’VE
HIDDEN HORCRUXES IN ALL THE TAVERNS IN THE D.C. METRO AREA.
>>PEOPLE ARE ALSO WORRIED ABOUT —
[ LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE TRUMP IS CHOOSING FOR HIS
CABINET, NEWT GINGRICH, STEVE BANNON, RUDY GIULIANI —
>>TOO MUCH, COLIN. IS THAT GHOUL GIULIANI REALLY
GOING TO BE OUR ATTORNEY GENERAL?
ALTHOUGH IF I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LET
HIM BITE ME. SPEAKING OF BITING ME, GIULIANI?
HE JUST GOT GINSBURNED. ♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>CRAZY ON EMERGEN-C RIGHT NOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK TRUMP DOES NEXT?
>>WHATEVER HE WANTS, THANKS TO HALF THE COUNTRY THAT DIDN’T
EVEN VOTE. YOU KNOW, I REGRETTED MY
COMMENTS ABOUT COLIN KAEPERNICK. BUT THEN THIS WEEK HE SAID HE
DIDN’T VOTE. SO I GUESS THIS GUY TAKES A KNEE
ON EVERYTHING. THAT’S ANOTHER GINSBURN.
[ LAUGHTER ] ♪♪♪
>>OH MY GOSH. YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE
LIKE MICHAEL MOORE WHO THINK THAT TRUMP MIGHT GET IMPEACHED
BEFORE HIS FOUR YEARS ARE EVEN OVER.
>>OH, GREAT, THEN WE’LL GET PENCE, THE GAY PEOPLE CAN’T GET
A PIZZA GUY. AWESOME.
EVEN THOUGH, I’M SORRY, TO ME HE LOOKS LIKE THE NEIGHBOR WHO
KISSES KEVIN SPACEY IN “AMERICAN BEAUTY.”
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MIKE PENCE, I’M SORRY YOU LOOKED AT MAGNUM P.I. ONCE AND GOT A
QUARTER CHUB AND YOU’VE BEEN HAUNTED BY IT EVER SINCE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT’S A GAY GINSBURG.
♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT MIGHT NOT BE JUST EMERGEN-C.>>IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE
DONE, DO YOU THINK?>>YEAH, OBAMA CAN CONFIRM MERIC
GAR LAND TOMORROW. AND FINALLY I CAN LEAVE D.C.
THIS BEACH HOUSE IN ARUBA I’VE HAD MY EYE ON.
OH, I JUST NEED THE CRAB INSIDE TO DIE AND I’M IN, BABY.
AND THAT’S NOT A GINSBURN, THAT’S A SUNBURN.
♪♪♪>>WOW.
RUTH BADER GINSBURG, EVERYONE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I’M MICHAEL CHE!>>I’M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGHT!
[ CHEERS AND

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