Weekend Update on the Solar Eclipse – SNL


>>>COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
[ APPLAUSE ]>>THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
>>WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE. I’M MICHAEL CHE.
>>I’M COLIN JOST. I THINK THAT VITAMIN D GOT HIM
AMPED UP. ON TUESDAY HE HELD RALLY.
THERE WAS SOME ERASISM BUT BUT IT WAS ARIZONA SO IT WAS A DRY
RACISM.>>I HIT THEM WITH EVERYTHING.
I GOT THE WHITE SUPREMACISTS, THE NEO-NAZI.
I GOT THEM ALL IN THERE. KKK.
WE HAVE KKK. I GOT THEM ALL.
>>HE’S LISTING OFF HATE GROUPS LIKE THEY’RE POKEMON CARDS.
I GOT SQUIRTTLE. KKK AND IT’S EVOLVING INTO AN
ALT-RIGHT. THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOMENT WHERE
HE SAID EVERYONE WAS A OF RACE.>>I DIDN’T SAY I LOVE YOU
BECAUSE YOU’RE WHITE OR I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE BLACK OR I
LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE FROM JAPAN.
>>HE THINKS THE THREE OPTIONS ARE BLACK, WHITE AND JAPAN.
I LOVE THAT PAUSE BEFORE HE SAID JAPAN.
DURING THAT PAUSE HE WAS THINKING OF DON’T SAY YELLOW.
DON’T SAY YELLOW.>>THAT’S ALL VERY TRUE AND
OBSERVANT, COLIN. I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHO WAS
THIS. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO SAY ON
BEHALF OF BLACK PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, WE DON’T KNOW KNOW
THIS FOOL. I CAN’T TELL IF HE TRICKED THESE
WHITE PEOPLE OR IF THESE WHITE PEOPLE TRICKED HIM, BUT I DO
KNOW THIS GREASY BASTARD TRICKED THESE WHITE PEOPLE.
DURING THE RALLY IN PHOENIX PRESIDENT TRUMP THREATENED A
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN IN CONGRESS IF THEY DON’T FUND THE BORDER
WALL. FIRST OF ALL, SHUT OUT TO MEXICO
FOR JUST BEING LIKE, NAH. SECOND, DON’T SAY CONGRESS IS
GOING TO PAY FOR IT BECAUSE THEY’RE STILL USING OUR MONEY.
JUST LIKE WHEN MY GIRL BUYS A GUCCI BAG AND SAYS I DON’T KNOW
WHY YOU TRIPPING, TECHNICALLY VISA IS PAYING FOR IT.
PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED HIS NEW STRATEGY IN AFGHANISTAN WILL
BE BASED ON CONDITIONS RATHER THAN A TIMETABLE.
WE’VE ALREADY BEEN IN AFGHANISTAN FOR 16 YEARS.
THIS IS SO OLD THAT IN TWO MORE YEARS IT CAN FIGHT IN A WAR.
I DON’T THINK WE’RE LEAVING ANY TIME SOON BECAUSE WE’RE IN THE
MIDDLE OF AN OPIOID CRISIS AND AFGHANISTAN PRODUCES 90% OF THE
WORLD’S HEROIN. I DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S
COINCIDENCE BUT IF YOU PRODUCE 90% OF THE WORLD’S BENT SPOONS,
I’M WATCH IT. I JUST REMEMBER WHERE I SAW THIS
GUY FROM. HE’S ON THE NEWS AS THE ONLY
BLACK WITNESS AND SAID I SEEN THE WHOLE THING.
>>>CITIES HAVE COVERED MULTIPLE CONFEDERATE STATUES THIS BLACK
FABRIC SO HOPEFULLY RACISTS WILL CALM DOWN NOW THAT ROBERT E. LEE
IS DRESSED LIKE A MUSLIM LADY.

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