Weekend Update: Willie on Halloween (Tracy Morgan) – SNL

– Well, Halloween… [laughs] Is right around the corner. And I, for one, am not
looking forward to it. But here to get me in the
spirit is my neighbor, Willie. [cheers and applause] – Hey. Happy Halloween, everybody! [singing]
Trick or Treat Smell my foot – You mean “feet”? – Not anymore I don’t.
– Aw, man. – Ah, this is one of my favorite
times of the year, Michael. Did you buy a costume yet? – I’m not buying
a costume, Willie. – Oh, so you’re going
to make your own? That’s smart. Last year I dressed up
in my old bedsheets and went as a spooky
white and yellow ghost. But it’s like they always say, “That sheet still wet, Willie?” – I meant I’m not dressing
up at all, Willie. I don’t even like Halloween. – But aren’t you excited about all the delicious
Halloween candies, Michael? Mmm, mmm, I can taste them now. Necco Wafers, raisins, duck sauce packets… rubber bands. – That’s not even candy, dude. – You know, every Halloween
my daddy would bring me to his favorite
pumpkin patch upstate, and he’d pick out the biggest,
roundest pumpkin there. We’d take it home, wash it, he’d carve a cute
little face on to it, dress it up in a cute little
wig and a cute little costume, turn it around, carve out a
cute little hole in the back, and then send me
off to bed early. – Come on, man. – It’s like they always say, “We know your daddy’s diddling
those pumpkins, Willie! It ain’t natural.” – These sound like
horrible memories. – Oh, well, you know
what I love the most? Haunted houses. Every block has
a spooky old place. And in my old neighborhood, it belonged
to Old Man Jeff Dahmer. Boys is always running
out of there terrified. And my job was
to push them back in. – You worked there, Willie? – Well, it wasn’t the most
glamorous job in the world. But work is work. Plus, I always got
a free home-cooked meal. But you know
who loved Halloween? My old dog Lucius. He was always trying to scare me
with a spooky prank, whether he be hanging
from the door by his leash licking himself or hanging by the coat rack
by his leash licking himself or hanging from the ceiling fan
by his leash licking himself. – Willie, I get it, man. – It’s like they always say, “That’s learned behavior,
Willie!” – Willie, how are you able
to stay this positive, despite going through
all these horrible things? – Well, Michael, I’m lucky
enough to have the help of the most accomplished
and accredited life coach in the world. – Really? – Yeah, he costs me
every dime I have, but he’s worth every cent. Come on out here, Woodrow! [cheers and applause] – I’ll call you back, Oprah. I’m with a client. – Willie, this guy
is not a life coach. – Yes, I am, I have
my degree right here. – That’s just deodorant, man. – Well, now, Michael,
let’s be respectful. – I’m just saying.
– No, Willie, he’s right. I’m not a big-shot life coach, and that wasn’t really
Oprah on the phone. I guess I made it up
so you would like me. I’m just a big, fat phony. – Oh, Woodrow,
you’re not a phony. You saved my life.
– Really? – Yeah, reminds me of that
song that you taught me. [piano music] [singing]
Little TV sets Going off inside my ear – [singing]
Spacemen floating by Firecracker beer both: [singing]
Chase the demons lightly Music hits your eye Up and down the sidewalk Take a doo-doo pie I love you – Willie and Woodrow,
everybody. For “Weekend Update,”
I’m Michael Che. – I’m Colin Jost, good night! [cheers and applause]


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